Out at the Movies: Meet the Phantom Menace
Everyone has heard about the mad rush to see Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace
as soon as possible. While we had the opportunity to view the film 3:30 am, Wednesday
morning, we elected to wait for a reasonable time the next day. That didn't stop us from
paying $11.00 per ticket (Moviefone extracts a service charge, of course) for a 7:30
Thursday showing, but I figured at least I'd sleep better than if I came home at 6 in the
morning, instead of going to work.
So we prepared for the movie by dining in the Doaba Diner across the street from the
theater at 62nd Street and First Avenue. I don't have any idea what a Doaba is, but at
least they make a fine burger. We waited in line for roughly an hour before being let in,
for the first evening show of the three screens playing the film at the theater. Jenny
scoped out seats while I attended to the important business of securing the popcorn bucket
and big Slice -- it's a Pepsi theater, so we opted for the least offensive drink at the
soda fountain. Plus I got a free Ghirardelli chocolate bar. Cool.
On to the review -- of the trailers. Most were the ones we'll be seeing soon, like Big
Daddy and Wild Wild West, and they were funny enough to perhaps warrant actually attending
them for full price. But then they show this cryptic trailer for a movie that centers
around the Earth getting blown up so it's a good thing we conquered outer space already.
No title was given, and it isn't coming out for at least a year. The crowd naturally
responded by laughing sarcastically, and we settled in for a good movie.
I'm pleased to report that the scroll starts identically to Star Wars IV. The cheap
blue words on a black background, then "STAR WARS" scrolls into view, and the
crowd erupts into applause. They did this for every major star's first appearance. Themost
sustained applause, including whoops and hollers, was reserved for R2-D2, who actually
winds up saving the bulk of the cast's collective ass at one time or another. Perhaps this
is due to his popularity with children -- this is a VERY kid-friendly movie, except for a
couple of the lightsabre scenes. In any case, the childization of much of the movie can be
overlooked because of the sheer detail included in every single scene.
One of the first things we noticed was the amazing level of detail added by computer to
every scene. Luke Skywalker would have been overjoyed to realize the lightsabre is quite
useful as a cutting tool, as Qui-Gon uses his to attempt to gain entry to the Trade
Federation flacks who are trying to kill him and Obi-Wan in the opening scene.
Without telling the entire plot, let us give our thoughts on the movie in general.
First, what struck us as bad:
- Jar Jar Binks: The computer-generated Gungan is a clumsy, goofy hippie who speaks like a
cross between a Rastafarian and Elmo from Sesame Street. He adds little to the movie
except to be a conduit into the Gungan empire, but his exploits bring up another problem
with the movie:
- Too many battle scenes depend on dumb luck to claim victory for the good guys. Sure,
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are masters with the lightsabre and deserve to destroy hundreds of
droids no problem. But Anakin accidentally takes off in a Naboo fighter, which just
happens to be on Autopilot to the droid command ship (which controls all the fighting
droids). R2-D2 is along for the ride, and manages to take them off Auto just in time for
them to skid into the reactor area, which needs to be blown up to shut down the droids.
And the power is out on the ship now. Artoo fixes it just in time, and as Anakin tries to
leave the area, he "accidentally" blows up the reactor, bringing the Gungans a
victory over the droids in the climactic all-computerized battle scene on the planet
Naboo. And of course, Jar Jar manages to fumble his way through the battle killing droids
and tanks without any skills whatsoever. I could go on.
- Too many Disneyesque touches for my taste. Anachronisms such as a two-headed pod race
announcer, talking like Howard Cosell and looking like an Antz reject, spewing quotes
like, "That's gotta hurt no matter what universe you're from!" Jar Jar saying,
"Exsqueeze me?" Ugh.
- Anakin seems just a little too incredulous too much of the time. His "Wow!"
and "Yippee!" lines really start to get on one's nerves after the first ten
times. Jenny didn't seem to mind that he seemed to act like your average nine-year-old,
but hey, it's a different universe. Can't he be a little more reserved? Please?
(Apparently not.)
- Anakin is friends with a baby Greedo. It had better not actually be THE Greedo in future
episodes. This was symptomatic of George's desire to introduce us once again to as many
characters from episode IV as possible. C-3PO is half-finished -- and Anakin's creation.
That isn't unbelievable, at least, and offers some plot suggestions for the future that
may be interesting. Jabba the Hutt has a token role that isn't even necessary. Speaking of
him would have been plenty, but he shows up like the Emperor presiding over a Roman
chariot race (which he kind of is), and does nothing useful. Another injection of humor
into the proceedings, I suppose.
This would have been fine, except for the luck factor mentioned above. All the kid can do
is race pods (which he does very well), but he flies a spaceship by narrating it to the
audience. "What does this do? [flips switch which shows power going to both jet
engines] Oh, that's the power switch!" [Power goes out on the indicator] "The
power's out!" [Flips switch, which doesn't work] "The switch doesn't work!"
I'm paraphrasing, but you get the idea. Again, it doesn't bother Jenny that he did that,
but it bothered me. Nyahh. Jenny wants you to know that Anakin is speaking to R2-D2 in
this scene, DAVE. The kid had to talk about it, how the hell could R2-D2 fix it if he
didn't know the problem? Hmmmm? [Oh, possibly because he's R2-D2, and he's watching the
whole thing unfold, and gee, the ship isn't moving, and we all want the ship to move.
Wonder what's wrong. Oh, the power's out? Gee, how informative!]
Anyhow, these are all minor points. The newspaper reviews talk about "no
humanism" in the characters and "it's a merchandising movie" but I don't
see their point. The characters all develop over the course of the movie -- those who are
major parts of it. Qui-Gon Jinn is a complex man. He's supposed to be calm and composed,
as a Jedi Knight. We understand what he's thinking when he realizes young Anakin is
destined to become a Jedi, and we feel his bewilderment when Darth Maul first arrives to
attack him. I think there's just a bunch of cranky whiners writing reviews who don't
realize what pure joy this movie is for any movie lover. It may not be one of the 100 best
ever, but as a science fiction movie, it ranks with the best -- including Episodes IV and
V. (Nobody really likes Return of the Jedi. Damn Ewoks.)
So what's good? Everything else:
- The scenery is top-notch. The animators and effects guys at Skywalker Ranch outdid
themselves. The cityscapes are breathtaking, and the Senate chamber evoked gasps from the
audience. Words do not do the scenes justice; nor do small-screen snippets. The droid
battle scene on the hills of Naboo are downright fear-inspiring -- armies and armies of
battle droids are deployed from huge tanks, in a mechanical masterpiece. The droids that
roll out, assume position, and deploy their shields? Very cool. The texturing of the
machinery throughout the movie is so realistic it seems the animators are showing off at
times.
- The lightsaber battle scenes are alternately amazing and chillingly amazing. Darth Maul
is as skilled an actor as you'll ever see in these scenes. No, he rarely talks or moves
without fighting, but his stare...in the context of the film, Darth Maul is perfectly
cast. He evoked complete silence out of the crowd when he first showed his whole head, and
his wizardry with the quarterstaff-like lightsaber makes the fight scenes with Qui-Gon and
Obi-Wan a joy to watch. The eerie calmness he projects when trapped a forcefield away from
Qui-Gon, in their final battle scene as Obi-Wan looks helplessly on -- positively freaky.
You felt the dread coming before it happened. Plus, he dies in a neat way. Pure evil. I
loved his scenes.
- Pod race -- Okay, it went on a lap too long, and it was derivative of every drag race in
movie history (hero underdog overcomes dirty play by the favorite to escape with victory).
But damn, the effects were amazing. Even the sound conveyed the sense of danger and
breakneck speed.
- Queen Amidala -- Natalie Portman played this character as very serious, with a measured,
flat monotone, and little emotion, except for defiance, perhaps. As her handmaid (really
as the queen disguised as a handmaid, but I'm giving away too much) she acts like a
teenager at least. But Jenny would have done at least as well with the role, something I
think George Lucas should keep in mind for the next couple of films. It's also the only
real female role in the movie.
- Diversity abounds in prequel land. Not only are there black men in the film (Sam Jackson
as Mace Windu, of course), but there's a female Jedi AND a female fighter pilot. And none
of them die! Take that, Spielberg. Okay, so the Tatooine junk dealer reeks of Middle
Eastern stereotype, or at best a Brooklyn Jew, but it's a freakin' alien, folks. Stop
complaining already.
- For the most part, they've given us a clear path to speculate on the next two
sequel/prequels. How will R2-D2 and C-3PO wind up with Princess Leia (and not, say, Anakin
or Luke)? What motivates Anakin to go to the Dark Side? Fear? Loss of his mother? Yoda
makes a pass at him? Will we have to watch Anakin and the Queen make twins? And why are
they split up (when?)? And just what role will Boba Fett have in Episode II? And just who
is Darth Maul's mentor at this point? And how does Senator Palpatine cross to the Dark
Side and double-cross the Queen? Was he already there in this episode? And is Darth
Sidious the Phantom Menace alluded to in the title?
Trust us -- this movie is well worth whatever you're paying. And pay attention as the
credits unspool. At the end of the credits, after they have all scrolled through, and
about three seconds before the film itself ends? Listen (we didn't but it's been
reported): someone is breathing, maybe three breaths. A mechanical sound, as if through a
helmet...
We're going back next week. Anything to knock Titanic out of
the top-grossing position.